shelly demeglio.

deal!?




5. Patrick Dempsey.

come on, those eyes? fuck you if you don't say so.



4. Bradley Cooper.

every movie has been great with him in it... and i can't wait to see the hangover. he's sexy, even when he's cheating on his wife and sneaking smokes and blaming it on the mexicans. no lie motherfucker.



3. Jack Marin.

only because i name devices after you and stuff... cough cough. just be my best friend?




2. Ralph Fiennes.

okay, so you're voldemort. i have no problems with this because the way you shoot jews then pee in the morning turns me on like you wouldn't even know. even though you're kinda old now.



1. Hugh Laurie.

everybody thinks i'm crazy for wanting to fuck the shit out of this man. sorry ya'll, can't help myself. he is the ultimate god and there is nothing left to it.



samesexboos!?




5. Katherine Heigl.


just look at those eyes. mmmmmmmmmm mamamamaa!





4. Kat Von D.

so she's not the hottest crayon in the box, but damn, could she be more awesome?




3. Kim Kardashian.

not only because you're me if i was russian and tall and skinny, but yeah.




2. Beyonce.

Rock that shit.




1. Stephanie Ann Ellis.

because she's my best friend, and is the most absolutely beautiful person i've ever met! (: and i mean that in a not itakeshowerswithherandsheusesherfingersonme way. wait, what?!

and i will reach it.

without your help.
with their help.


i will become.

the past two days have been nothing but shit. this is all for the better anyway, right? fuck. hopefully.
i hope everybody is happy now. i can't have what makes me happy because what makes me happy doesn't want me.
joy. whatever, this shit happens right? maybe this is just karma. i mean, i've not really been the best person the past year. i should have expected this. it just kinda sucks, you know?

maybe i really am, just an attention loving, unfair, selfish, annoying, not worth it asshole.

but does that make me not a person?

 

i haven't.


you're such a good fucking friend.
pat yourself on the back if it helps you sleep at night.

i'm yourssss.
lately my moods have been to the extremes.









why don't people just back off, and leave it alone.
why do they have to push it, and prove me even more right, and hell i can't even do anything about it.
it upsets me, and i feel like you don't even care about me.  i hate how i just have to shut up and put it away because i feel stupid if i mention it. i hate how much of a hypocrite i am, or what even puts me in these moods, because everything is soooo good right now. i feel like i'm almost getting everything i want... and then it all just slips away. i feel repulsive, almost empty. i feel like everybody's watching, and they probably are. i feel like i never can achieve what i need to be happy. like everything is almost, and never definate. or only a little, and not alot. i should be grateful though, right? and i mean i am, but i can't stop checking over my shoulder. i want more fight in me. i don't want to have to lj every time i feel like i have nobody. i want to feel wanted, but who the hell am i too say that, everyone does.
i'm just saying, i have no excuses. no excuses to feel how shitty i do. i'm not missing anybody, i love my life right now, this summer is amazing.
so here it is, here i am. here. now. shitty, but with no reasons. what the hell are you going to do about it?
love me? hate me? take me? want me? show me?
show me, please. show me something. but stay away from me, if you're using me.
i feel as if we're almost perfect, as if you're almost reaching where i am. where we could be. where i've been waiting.
just prove it to me. are you for real? do you want something out of this? am i wasting my time? i feel stupid saying i want more out of this, and somehow i feel like you don't... but a lot of the time i feel like you do. but would you even be ready? i know you've been hurt, and i wish i could fix you. i feel selfish saying i know how... but hell, i could give it a shot. because i care so much about you, it's almost pathetic. i don't want anybody else to have you, i want you mine. i want you to only hug me the way she hugged you. the one you want to call when you want to break down. i can give that to you. i want you to let me give it to you. you're almost perfect... and i feel like i don't even deserve you... or if what i'm writing even matters... but i love you. i love you, as a bestfriend and as other things. honestly i just want you to be happy. really. but sometimes, i just hope it's with me. i want me to be the one who make you smile at the end of the night. me. for once. in my life. to be somebodies. who is also mine. not even a boyfriend, just a soulmate.

























but we're both too scared... for any of this.
but i know we can do it.
i promise.

let me in.

i only cry when everyone is sleeping.




































i want someone to cry with. and to have it not be awkward.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhohhhhhhh.
but i know why.
becauessseeeeeeeee i don't have any problems right now D:
but i like it. so it's cool.
we brought my car home last night :D
HDGBJFHDHBHGF it's so beautifulllll seriously.
my neck is killing me lyke omfgbfgd


TRYIN TO HOLLER @ MEEEEEEEEE

mary's supposed to be picking me up this morning.
she's a little late lol.vgfbhjf

k byeee
















more than one baby father?
OH YES GIRL WE'RE TALKING TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~

today is  extremely good. wil liked his presents. lol :]
iiiiii am in a great mooood. i don't know why. maybe it's cause that fact that i'm finally happy with everything:D


yayayyaya SUMMER LYKE 18 DAIS.


comecomeocmeocmeocmeomcome

i got a car :D
it's beautifullllllllll
I NAMED IT GOLDIE
yeah dats right

i'm happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jessie is sitting next to me and were having fun on easta.
we're listening to patdddddddddddddddd and it's great.
so, my room is rejuvenated ! i love it :]
new carpet, new furniture, new paint, new art, i'm fuggin down.
hbsfuhdsbgshdfbsdzhfdjs good moods.


how come nobody puts passion in their text anymore?


:DDDD:))):((( D#$%^&*o^%e$dfghj

idkkkkkkk bye!

it's 8:57 am on a friday morning. 
i doubt i'll be seeing jimmy today.. he's with patrick. so maybe tomorrow.
yay for days that shelly feels a little more content than usualllllllllllllllllll.
i'll post later my typing is rreally loud and everybody in mr. maruts class can hear me.


IGHT PEACE

i'm unsure about how stable my family is right now. everyone is doing better than me at everything other than jimmy and i can't talk to him about it because he'll feel worse about his own life. so i don't know what to do. i just do talking to myself sometimes to keep myself together in front of of other people because i hate looking vulnerable. but i'm sick of feeling so sick of everything. i want to like that my family lives with me. i don't want it to get harder. my grades are finally up though, for like the first time in my life i have straight a's. hopefully that takes me somewhere but i doubt it. how come i'm never the productive one? why am i always the one crying when my blinds break?


and you never ever, let me in.

lately things have been getting to me.
things that shouldn't, but do. all i ever think about is how my life used to be a year ago and i miss it.
things were more emotional and worth while feels. while now i'm just waiting for phases to end.
i don't know what i want. i just want to better myself. but i can't even do that without someone saying its bad and giving me shit for it.
i feel like everything i look at that has something to do with me is dirty, or wrong, or even out of place. i'm sick of living with my pregnant bitch sister and her kids. i'm sick of living in this house and i want change. i want to not worry if my parents can pay the bills i want to not worry my boyfriend is off getting drunk somewhere with patrick. i want to lay in my room and be satisfied like i USED to be. everything sets me off, nand i feel like a fucking bomb. theres so many people i need to tell off and punch in the face to get them to realize things. but i don't, because i don't. have. that. power. and it sucks. i'm never alone anymore, and someone else is always in my way of me doing it. i have no privacy, and nothing is ever rightfully mine. i can't even leave my room without someone giving me shit for something. my zune works but it still freezes on me and i need a new phone. i'm sick of being so fucking broke. our family has no money BECAUSE WERE ALWAYS DOING SHIT FOR OTHER PEOPLE. lending them money, GIVING them money, paying their bills, and thereb fucking well off while were here struggling. all i'm saying is we better get fucking paid off soon. i want to live on my own and have my own freaking car and my own freaking life and my own job and  not have to listen to anyone. i want to go to college and pursue my career and i want to have a good life and not have to worry about stuff that shouldn't be worried about. i know i sound selfish but i don't care. i'm always being nice for everyone else and this time i want something for myself. i want a new place to lay my head down, and everyone is still giving me shit. nobody wants to support me because theres nothing in it for them, and that's fine. i can do this. i'll be more independent than you could ever believe. yeah, i won't need you. but i'll want you.

why do we like what we like?
last night was.. odd.
jimmy kept telling me there was something that he didn't wanna tell me.. but i got it out of him, and i kind of guessed it too.
it sucks, from my point of view, i'm sure from his too. he felt horrible after he told me, and i told him everything was alright.
and it is. but when i think about it, it just like, makes me feel more shitty, and he hates it when i degrade myself, yet he does it all the time. i'm sorry i feel shitty about being shitty then feeling shitty for not doing anything about it. i should do something, right? yeah. i mean, i try, and i'm getting a little better at it, but i'm not amazing yet. this sucks. fucker.
:[
wow. i can't beleive i let it get this bad, i should've never. shit.
i kinda feel worthless. :/ which i'm not, i know for sure, but i'm not what i want to be, or what i need to be. i'm getting better at school, and friends. and that makes me happy. i'm getting my laptop in three days, thank god, but i hope my mom lets me have it, since she totally like wants it for herself. i need to go shopping, and i was going to the mall today, with stephanie but now she's sick. fuck. there goes today. i hope i can still hang with alyssa.. or someone..
hmph.
i'm in geometry and i have a D in here because i never took a test. fuck @ that.
hmmmmmm i'm so fucking bored.
yet horrible, yet great.
everyone tells me i can do better than jimmy
and i just want to say that it's not that easy
when you care and love for someone, better or worse doesn't even matter, i'll take the insults, it doesn't matter to me.
my back hurts, i got my period today. woooooooooooooooooot.



why doesn't anyone believe me?
am i not as convincing as i feel i am?
nearly anybody takes me seriously, and i know why.
from the outside, i'm a happy girl. i'm smiling, laughing and making jokes and when i try to be serious i look retarded.
and when i'm sad i look like i don't wanna talk about it i just want to sit in silence, and maybe pout for attention.
in my mind, things are totally different.
i see things from a very vague point of view.
emotions. shitty, happy, loving, sad, pissed, i don't feel it, i precieve it, and i just think of it how it is.
emotions.
nothing else, just a word, right?
then whats that gut feeling like you're going to puke, or the feeling you get when  you eyes tear up, or when you smile ear to ear, what is that? chemical reactions in your body?
can we really analyze that?
no. no. no. no. no. no.



and i'm taking all you're memories off the shelves, i don't need you or anybody else.

AWHHH YAYYYYY!
i loved last night, it was so fucking amazingggg *&^%$#@#$*&^%$#$(*&
bbahahhahaha, i'm in english class,
'and yeahhh idkk i always feel like posting in schoool so i doooo!
:D,
KCYA

i have to say !













...i hope jimmy isn't dead.. AND
ilovemyfriendswoo!